My Last Embrace...

As I walked in, tears flowed down her face. I wiped the tears of her face and told her, "Everything will be okay." She raised her head and I felt the frost that was her lips on my cheeks. No matter what I said, the tears kept flowing. I kept wiping her tears and she grabbed my hand, almost assuring she would not forget me, no matter what happens, but I know, regardless it's not going to be the same. She is not going to be the same, our lives would never be the same. I would never be the same. But I have to stay strong, that is all I can think about. Even if all the blame is pushed onto me, I have to carry it and only me, it's my responsibility now.

I sat by her bed as she hold and gently rub my hand with her thumb, just like she used to do so many years ago whenever I felt the world was against me. That was her way of telling me that I'm not alone. But if that is true then why do have to hide in the shadows, why do I have to smile and make jokes when others have their head in their hands. No, I'm alone, that is the way its suppose to be.

"It's time to go." Those words made it harder for her to stop crying. She didn't want to leave, "Everything will be ok. I promise" and for the first time in my life, I made a promise that I dont know that I can keep. As I walked with her to prepare her for whats to come, she kept quiet the whole way. Down the elevator, I saw a slight glimmer in her eyes, a familiar glimmer I've seen before, and I knew she was lost. I don't know what was going through her mind and it pisses me off, that there is nothing I can do. Helplessness, seems to be a well-known friend of mine these few weeks.

As she prepares for the next step, I see tears again. I wipe away her tears but it just kept coming. "Stay strong, stay strong, stay strong", I kept repeating it over and over in my head, only to hear, "Excuse me, you have to leave now". I swallowed my anger, straighten up my back, no frowns, no tears, just a smile on my face. She holds back my hand, I told, "everything will be ok". I embrace her one last time, as I felt the warmth of her lips touched my cheek. I kissed her forehead and whispered, "Don't forget me, I miss you, I LOVE YOU". I walked away, I can hear her sniffles but I know there is no turning back, leaving her fate to a man I don't even know the name of. I have to stay strong and walk away.

I know when I see her on the seventh hour later, it will not be her anymore. The person that I loved and cared for will not be there. But I will accept my loss, and be strong....




In this time of my need,
it is often you I seek,
but not this time,
as the decision is not mine.

Fate is a nasty game,
each game, never the same,
but for me,
the outcome is always pain.

I want to disappear
without any fears
in hoping one day
I'd find my own way

I hide,
another day,
A cut so deep inside,
but I'm always okay...