29.9.09...My Own Intervention...

Wow, I guess this is how a drug addict or basically a addict would feel. When families suddenly just come and tell you to get your act right. I never knew my family would actually do this to me but they did. I was lost for words. I mean if you have not had an intervention before, you would not know how much emotion could fly around. I mean, the tension and the vibes were so thick, I was just stuck. No excuse in the world could get me out of this one. However, I know after this intervention, nothing's going to change. Nothing ever does, but its nice to finally feel good after so long. Maybe its he boost I need to keep going for a few more years. Though it was just only words, and I never really a fan of words, I couldn't help to hope and ONLY hope that my dad actually meant those words he said.

"I would never trade you for anything in the world..."


Words I never thought he say...I just cried...

It's A Mad World...

With a different tone, immediately I knew something was wrong. I mean, I know my brother all too well. When his upset, his upset. No denying it, no hiding. He told me about his student, whom now he knows for a fact is an ungrateful SOB. I mean, he's telling me about how he train his student, got him a job, buy stuff for him, practically treat him like how would treat me. But then it all went downhill from there, not turning up for work, lying about whereabouts, and he ends it all off with, "I feel betrayed." I wanted to laugh. Ok, not in an evil, cunning sort of way but more of a sarcastic,"I know the feeling" type of way. I guess it runs in the family. We treat people nicely, we trust them, only to be stabbed in the back and kicked to the curb. I told my brother these people are all around and its nothing new. I told him, "What goes around, comes around", but I didn't believe that. I mean, these people are still running around with smiles on their faces thinking they did nothing wrong, but I guess that is the problem. Nobody care about the details, the "little things" that set off unwanted emotion and trouble. I guess thats why the saying, "Who needs enemies with friends like this", was created, to give us that false sense of assurance thats its normal and that its ok. But really, its sad...

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very very,
Mad world,
Mad world

United We Fall, Divided We Stand...

I guess to some being away from people is what keeps you going, and I keep getting the impression that that is the way some wants me to be. I really don't underrstand why. Maybe they get me the wrong way or they can see me thorough me. I really don't know and I'm getting really frustrated. How much more can I possibly take?? I even defended some and even did everything for some. But I guess its just no enough...or too much? I hold no strings. I give only my helping hand but I guess to some, accepting that hand is like selling the soul to the devil. Looking back, I guess I don't blame them. I wouldn't shake that hand either...

The Only Thing Constant In Life....Change....

Didn't know why I didn't post this earlier but don't think it makes a difference whether I post this or not. Anyway it was written sometime ago....

Thinking back the years
looking thorugh the memories
thought i was alone and done for
but fate brought you right to me
i never turn back since
a choice i'd never regret
and though horrid things happened
i dont think i want to forget

the times just we sat around
and nothing mattered but us
we still stand side by side
regardless of our past

but if today is the last day
and i'm forced to say goodbye
then i hope with every beat of my heart
that our friendship never dies
but if tomorrow never comes
and i think we ran out of time
then i thank you for this adventure of a lifetime

even if it was shortlived
i'd remember the fun we had
clinching to every minute of it
even if pain was shared

in times we just sat around
and nothing mattered but us
still standing side by side
learning from our past

but if today is the last day
and i'm forced to say goodbye
then i hope with every beat of my heart
that our friendship never dies
but if tomorrow never comes
and i think we ran out of time
then i thank you for this adventure of a lifetime

like a rollercoaster
filled with ups and downs
we made each other smile
eradicating all the frowns

but if today is the last day
and i'm forced to say goodbye
then i hope with every beat of my heart
that our friendship never dies
but if tomorrow never comes
and i think we ran out of time
then i thank you for this adventure of a lifetime

Thanks for the people who made this chapter of my life unforgettable. I know have many regrets, things that I should not have said or done but I have never regret calling any of you my friends. Take care and god bless. Hopefully our paths may cross one last time....