Weight On My Shoulders...

The first time I heard news...shoulders became heavy and my eyes became watery. Then my brother screamed at me, "Telling me that I have to be strong. I have to be a man."
The tears I want to shed were not there, still I needed someone to talk to, surely I can't handle this by myself. I called the only person I loved, but there was no answer even when I repeated my calls. When I felt down, my brother screamed at me again and the words was stuck in my head, "I must be strong!"

Later, when I saw this sign, as you can see in the pic above, I laughed. For the sake for those that cannot see from the pic, it says, "EVERY SINGLE WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT HELPED TRANSFORM OUR FEAR INTO COURAGE" I have no idea why I laughed. But at that point, I guess I was just being brave. Maybe I laughed because I know that even if there was no word of encouragement from any source, I still have to tranform my greatest fear into courage. And tomorrow at 8 am in the morning, I would have to be stronger than I have ever been in my whole entire life, no matter what the doctor tells me. I must be strong...

Gajah Watch: Max Payne (Out In Cinemas Now)...

Ok, alot of video game/cartoon/anime based movies are coming out nowadays and Max Payne is no different. To me, Max Payne should be chucked to the I'M-A-MOVIE-BASED-ON-SOMETHING-BUT-IN-THE-END-NEVER-FOLLOW-THE-ACTUAL-STORY catergory. And as the catergory states, the movie didn't follow the actual story that was shown to the video game, and I thought that was okay because they could enjoy the action. However, again I was wrong, because my guests that had never played the game before, didn't seem to enjoy the movie very much. He said and I quote,"I almost fell asleep", and who can blame him? The plot was different so gamers would be disappointed and the dialogues were too long and there was barely any action. The action at the end were not that fantastic either, the bullet time was only there to show you in slow motion how bad the shooting of the bad guys were. I mean, a military guy using a automatic assault rifle with a scope (WITH A SCOPE!!), can miss so badly 4 times. I mean if he was firing from the hip like most villians would do, it would be understandable that he will miss, but the guy had the time to aim and shoot throught the SCOPE!! I mean he was using a SCOPE!!

Anyway, when it comes to video game/cartoon/anime based movies, casting is really important for me. So as I watch intently, Mark Wahlberg was a not bad Max Payne but I kind of think he needs to make his voice a little deeper. Maybe if he made himself had a sore throat I mean the lady in the exorcist did that so that she could add horror to her voice. However, he did give a good performance in the end. Other than that, I guess all fit their role one way or another, the russian girls have that russian look to them so I guess their okay. I mean, its not like they have alot of screen time anyway. No real favourite, though, I think Chris "Ludacris" Bridges, gave a surprising performance being the Internal Affairs(IA), but then again his character was not really important and pretty straight-forward so I think it was relatively easy. It was also good to see Chris O'Donnell back on the big screen after he being MIA for so long. I mean, his other major performace was...what? (Batman and Robin as Robin?)

All in all, I guess its an okay movie. It was disappointing for me but luckily I had the company to improve on things. Maybe the sequel (if there is one..) comes out, it would be the redemption for this one.

End Of A Chapter...

It was the last day of internship and so with that, hopefully, the whole fiasco is all over. The last day was great, I guess we really all left in a high note, a great one at that. We had a feast and then we all go KARA-O-KE!! Basically, we had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun. Haha, ok maybe I just destroyed all the 19th century songs with my horrible singing but nonetheless it was great fun. Plus, I even found out that at least some people not only can do a good beatbox, he also has a kickass voice to go along with it. Damn, man, you should have seen all the girls going,"WHOA!!" and just staring at him. HAHA, I believe I can fly is your tune now, bro. Good job, bro and I'm proud of you. You really are a different person, a better person since the start and I hope you will continue to improve. Though I had nothing to do with it, keep moving forward and whatever you are doing to get better, keep doing it.

There will be alot of things I'll miss. I'll miss working with my new found friends, I'll miss the water parades, I'll miss the food, the girls (oh, how I'll miss the girls... :( ), MY FAVOURITE CHAIRand I will even miss the chinaman calling me, "childish" all the time. But I guess like the saying goes,"All good things must come to an end", and though it pains me to figure out what is laying ahead for me, I've got to do it. Got to put my head into a different state of mind. Thanks for the memories and although this maybe the last I see you guys, I hope our friendship doesn't end here. Like I said before I left, "Aedios Amigos!!"

Another Night Out...

Whoa, I really going to "default" (those working in bank will know..). I love celebrating birthdays, I dont know why but I do. People always say, "why celebrate your birthday, you're only counting down to your death". Well that may be true but I got one reply to that, "Don't SO emo can, not?" Yeah, it's true, your birthday comes every other year. But, its that year to you have to be grateful for. I may experience my birthday this year but who knows whether I will celebrate my birthday next year. For me, I'm just glad that I can reach my birthday and I will be glad if I could reach my next birthday even if no one remembers it or I not celebrating it. To me, it's a milestone that I have reached, that I have grown and I have experienced.

That is why I am glad that I can celebrate one more birthday with my friends. I know there are a few more birthdays coming up this year and I am really running short on funds, but knowing me, I'll never run out of ideas. Where there is a will there is a way...

A message to bday boy today:
People maybe in badshape, but nobody can take away the pain even GOD. But you can help ease the pain. The pain is there for us to experience, to learn, to grow. But if you continue to enjoy every moment with them like you did today, you are doing more than enough and you should be proud. Thanks for the opportunity to enjoy such great celebration, I'm sure all had a great time. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Gajah Watch: Eagle Eye (In Cinemas Now)...

Prior to watching this movie, I heard rumors that the ending sucks. But being me, I just decided to be open-minded anyway.

The start of the movie was rather interesting. For the the first 10 mins of the movie, I actually thought that I was in the wrong cinema because the start of the movie looked like it had nothing to do with the trailer that I've seen. The only comfort I had was when they finally decided to show the title of the movie. So with a great start, I thought that the movie was going rather well, as the characters were being introduced, they showed a good back story so you know the personality and the struggles they had, even before a single phone call would change their lives forever. The climax of the show was rather dry for me because as the characters were travelling around I realise my eyes were actually closed for some parts of it. However, I've got to say, the whole technological thing was rather interesting. It kinds of reminds us of the power, computers have over humans if we are not careful. If we let the computers control everything and that everything is automated, we might even live to regret it. Moving on, the dialouges were okay, but expected more humour or sarcasm especially if you have an actor like Shia LeBeouf as your lead, but it was ok, it had some funny moments that actually left the audience laughing through all the panic and choas on screen. Speaking of cast, I was rather surprise to see familiar faces like, Rosario Dawson, Micheal Chiklis, Ethan Embry and a few more familiar faces that are more known on the small screen movies rather than blockbusters. More so, I didn't really know what to expect seeing Shia LeBeouf acting in such a serious movie but I'd have to admit, I think he did rather well. This performance that he gave sure beats the "scared boy" performance that was shown in Disturbia. At least this time, he sucked it in and decides to do something about it. But, I would have to say, Billy Bob Thornton really gave a brilliant performace as the badass FBI agent in the movie. His character really brought the edge it needed in this movie.

Still with the rumour wandering around in my head, I thought of every worse scenario ending I could think of, but I would have to say the action towards the end was actually captivating yet abit mind-bloggling(ok, maybe for me) because as you thought the action is over, you can bet Steven Spielberg always make sure there is a twist at the end.

All in all, well-directed movie, not really a blockbuster but it was quite-entertaining. Not really a movie if you just want to shut off your brain. This movie really makes you think and most of the time trying to anticipate how the lead characters are going to get out of the pickle their in. A movie to watch but not really worth the weekend tickets unless there is nothing else, a cool movie due to the technological advnaces shown but other than that, maybe it would be wise to wait for the movie to be shown on tv...

The joyous day that is not so joyous...

Today was Hari Raya, and first thing first, Selamat Hari Raya to my muslim friends....

I thought today would be a good break for me after having to endure so much for the past two weeks. I wanted to smile, laugh and just forget everything. But some people just had to be assholes. Yeah, ok fine, maybe I deserved what's coming. I never pray enough, I manipulate people, I'm evil, I'm mean, and yeah I'm the devil's prodigy. I took everything given to me and swallow it like it was candy and smile. I took everything and accepted it because I knew I deserve what was coming. I took every dagger, every bullet, every blade and poison that came coming my way because it was payback. But what did my mom ever do. She has been nothing but the a kind soul. Yes she lies but who in the world doesn't. She prays 5 times a day like any other muslim would. She fast more than any muslim, I ever known. Her body is almost as pure as water itself but why does she have to go through so much. Haven't she endure enough? Give me the pusnishments, break my heart. Leave her alone. She didn't do anything wrong, why torment her? Give me the pain. I WANT THE PAIN!! Let her be free. She deserve much better. She don't deserve this. Today, was suppose to be a joyous occasion, instead you leave her answering questions she never knew she had to. What's wrong with you! You're suppose to be perfect!! You're suppose to be ALMIGHTY!! But you torment the ones who actually gives a damn about you!! ARE FUCKING CRAZY??!!

You want me to beg? Fine, here I am on my knees, begging you, leave my mom alone, if you want someone to touture just for fun, I'm here...I'm the evil one...

At first, there was no one that would answer my messages, no one to give a damn. But then out of the blue, I found one who was willing to listen. Don't know whether that person cared but at least willing to listen was more than good enough for me. So i thank that person again from the bottom of my heart, for letting me saying what i need to say, for listening so that i don't have to hold things in anymore. The sad thing is that person will never understand how much i appreciate that moment.

I know some are sick of hearing my sad stories, but this is the only space i have to let loose the anger i hold inside. I'm sorry but your sympathy is not what i'm asking for, if that is what you think. It's your ears that i'm yearning for, for i can hold everything in and smile, but with everything there always comes a limit...

And what a fitting end to the day it is, as it rains like tears from the sky, as i have to endure to watch my own mother, cry herself to sleep....