Bloody Dream...

I dreamt that my face was in a pool of blood...not enough to drown myself, but the whole side of my face was covered with thick crimson blood. The blood was my own, dripping and flowing from every angle of my face. The top of the cushion that my head was resting on was sticky from all the blood it absorbed. I try to move my head but somehow I couldn't because I was too weak. So weak, I couldn't even raise my arms. Thouhgts came rushing through my head, "What happen? Why is there so much blood? Where is the blood coming from? Do I have insurance?"

Suddenly....







I woke up to the sound of screaming. It was my mom. Then I realise it was a dream, or so I thought til I looked down and I saw a dark coloured, soggy cushion where my head was. My face was sticky and when I brushed my hand against my cheek I felt moisture. When I looked at my hand, it was a red liquid. Then I knew, it wasn't a dream after all.....

Cool....

Can't A Guy Get A Break??...

Frustrating, irritating and not to mention, very painful. I never ask anything in return, almost never. I just accepted whatever I got, but how long do I have to keep this up? When is it my turn to reap the rewards? When is it my turn to just relax and let the effort go to someone else? When is it my turn to just sit back and relax???!!! Is that too much to ask....

Sometimes I wonder whether all this is happening, as a form of my punishment or a bunch of test I have to put with...I keep telling myself, "What doesn't kill me only makes me stronger..." But now i'm wishing these test would just kill me already. So I guess its my punishment....

SO FUCKING KILL ME ALREADY!!!!!

But I guess that would just be too easy, now wouldn't it...

Give?? What else???!!!

After such a busy day, I saw something on the television on the way home that almost made my blood boil. It was suppose to be an "Inpiration" section that the stations shows in between scheduled programs. I loved watching this section because sometimes it reminds me of quotes I love using and words that would really inspire me. This time I just felt like smashing the emergency exit door beside me....

Thinking of back about the day, a conversation that clinged on in my head was with the one I had with a friend, talking about our own circle of friends. As the conversation was rolling through my head, these words came on the screen, "Give more.....and you shall.....receive more..."

GIVE MORE??!!! (Sorry for the "Singlish" but I think I really need to express myself here)

"HOW MUCH MORE YOU WANT ME TO GIV SIA??!! NOT ENOUGH, MEH?? All I ask for is just a simple reply. Maybe just a hello? Is that so hard? I know I make mistakes. In all my effort I think I'm still partially human, but what I did was so bad that you can't forgive me? You hate me so much til you don't even want to talk to me? I don't even know what I did wrong. Is it because I care too much? All I want to do is just to payback for all you have done for me, is that so wrong? It is so wrong to hold you close to my heart? You hold a special meaning to my life...I hope you know that. I guess what I predicted was right, take care then.
I'm sure you will be alright..."