Please Kill Me...

You know when so many things are going on at the same time, then your head just mix up all around or goes into a frenzy that makes your head want to explode but it doesn't it just makes it throb uncontrollably and you are pissed at yourself for not being smarter or stronger or just to have the balls to do what's right. Well, I get that all the time but no one sees it, because I don't let them. I can be happy-go-lucky, I can be nasty or even be the guy of your dreams. Well, I guess that's the disadvantage of being so manipulative. Am I proud of what I did or what I'm capable of? To be honest, I have no idea what being proud is. I never was and no one has ever been proud of me, so the feeling for me was never experienced in the first place. But, I do know the feeling of guilt and regret, oh, how I know those two like the back of my hand. Anyway, with so many things going on, there is nobody I have to express these feelings to or even know how to explain. But I found a song that really match my situtation now. Call it destiny or fate or luck, whatever you want to call, it I seriously don't give a F anymore. It's by one of my fav bands, THE REDJUMPSUIT APPARATUS. This song is called Angels Cry, the lyrics is the exact words I want to say to her and how I so wish I wrote this song, but come on, I was probably too stupid to even come up with the lyrics properly let alone the melody. Who am I kidding I couldn't even write a decent song even if my life depended on it. WTF am I blabbering about, sigh....anyway, here's the lyrics and the song taken from YouTube.

"Angels Cry"

Well it's hard to explain
but I'll try if you let me
Well it's hard to sustain
I'll cry if you let me
This doesn't change the way I feel about you
or your place in my life
(please don't cry)
Can't you see I'm dying here?
A shot of broken heart that is chased with fear


Angels cry
when stars collide
I can't eat and I can't breathe
I wouldn't want it any other way


Intentions that were pure have turned obscure
Seconds into hours
Minutes into years
Don't ask me why
(please don't cry)
I can't tell you lies

Angels cry
when stars collide
I can't eat and I can't breathe
I wouldn't want it any other way.

My heart burns through
My chest to the floor
Tearing me silently although abruptly
Words can't hide as I'm taking you home
And I tried to see
Tried to understand your words as I'm taking you home


Angels cry
when stars collide
I can't eat and I can't breathe
I wouldn't want it any other way

I guess that's it for me. Well, here I go, back to smiling and pretending that everythings okay. Pretending you don't even matter to me. Time to go back to being that nice guy that everyone loves taking advantage of. The guy who would just smile and laugh if you critise him. The guy who will take interest in you problems and try to make life better for everyone else even if it means F-ing up his own life. I don't have a future anyway, so I'm not going back to my life, I'm just going back to my lie....